Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting candy bars, strong drugs and SUV's.
The devil is in full effect. I'll tell you why.
Y'all know my doctor put me on a mission for better health right? Well today I found out my 5:30 water aerobics class got moved from Tuesday's and Thursday's to Monday's and Wednesday's. I can't take it on those days because of my boot camp and networking class so my option is take it during the day either at 11 a.m. or noon. Right now I'm thinking that's not happening. I don't want to hear students and staff screaming "RIGHT ON" at me and throwing up a fist as I walk to my office after the class if my hair gets wet and all afro-bushed up.
This urks me about our instructors. Who the eff told this heifa to move the day and time on this class? Eff her. Now I have to find another activity for at least Thursday so I can keep my Tuesday - Saturday routine in tact. As of right now it's Tuesday - Volleyball, Wednesday - Bootcamp, Thursday - Open because of some freak-faced instructor, Friday - Bootcamp, Saturday - Dance Class, Sunday and Monday - Rest.
I'm also tired of eating right. This morning I ate a boiled egg and yogurt (doc's orders). At lunch I got derailed a skosh - I think my boss sensed I was getting ready to pass the hell out (I haven't felt well all week - sinus infection/cold and dizzy spells). He asked about lunch and I refused because I wanted to get some stuff done. He vetoed that and dragged me to the slop house (our cafeteria). Lunch was yummy. I think I'm still on target for the day kind of. I had a sammich. But now I'm thinking about dinner . . . and I'm thinking about going to Norwood Kroger. Why? Not for dinner. I have that at home. But I know for a FACT that there is a woman sitting in the parking lot selling candy bars (allegedly) for her kids out of her truck. Actually I don't care who she's selling them for. I don't care if there's a pimp standing at the Wendy's monitoring her as long as he stays out of my way. I'm just thinking about buying one . . . or six. Somebody stop me. And I'm meeting with my dietician tomorrow. She's gonna grill me like a cheeseburger. Ummmmmm. Cheeseburgers.
On a serious note real quick - Annette, Shelley and Yolanda - I'm still praying for you ladies. You know why. Let me know if you need anything. Love you.
One of my besties, Frances, has informed me she would like to buy another car. So I'm going car shopping with her. Earlier this year, as some of you know, I abandoned my quest to get another car and got several issues on mine fixed. I keep thinking about how much my mama loved my little car for some reason (probably because it's little like she was) and so I just flat out refuse to get rid of it now though I probably should. But I did tell myself I was going to start looking at used small SUV's before this winter (and still keep my car). When I mentioned that to my "not by blood but more of a brother than my biological" brother Keith earlier this year, I thought he was going to kill me. He spun around, his pecs got huge, his shirt popped off, his skin turned green, his nails grew, his eyes turned red and he yelled, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU NEED A SUV FOR?" I think I may have went on myself a little. But he'll be somewhere effin' up an Iraqi this fall, so I think I'm gonna sneak and do it. Y'all don't tell him ok?
Being sick sucks. I don't even know how I got it. Maybe I got it from someone at church. That's a good reason not to go back isn't it? I thought maybe I got it sitting in front of Frances' air conditioner Sunday. But when I got to work Monday, everybody had it. Damn near everybody at Cincinnati State is running around with the Ebola virus.
I have to tell you, it's been cool being told every 20 minutes how awful I look. I have no color. I don't look like I'm having a good day. I can't understand what you're saying because you're nasally. I didn't sound like that yesterday. Blah, blah, blah well y'all suck too. And as soon as I feel up to it, I'm sporking everybody. For now, it's really strong drugs for me. I'm gonna go ask that lady in the Kroger parking lot what kind of drugs she has up under her candy box. I know she got something . . .
Thank you Brian for the cool spork shirt picture. It's below so everyone can see it. I think I may order one.
And a big fat "Are You Trying To Give Me A Coronary?" to my friend Christopher for leaving this tidbit in my FB Inbox:
"Dear Brett Favre- Interviewing 101..don't chomp gum while being interviewed on national TV. You sound like Brittney B*#ch!"
Chris, I think he should try chewing tobacco instead of gum. Maybe it would make him more manly, right? I say he needs help with that. On second thought, let's face it, Lorenzo will always be a punk faced biznatch. I know you know that Chris. So thank you.
Gotta go to the Norwood Kroger kids. Crack don't smoke itself.
Love,
Leslie
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