"If I told you I knew what we were doing right now, I'd be lying." ~ Brett Lorenzo Favre on last week's loss.
Lorenzo finally won today. But the real entertainment for me was the good old Brett LaFavre trashing the CBS pre-game crew did of him before the game. After showing video of him walking through the tunnel in his street clothes, Shannon Sharpe cut himself off in the middle of one of his infamous ramblings to announce Lorenzo was wearing the ugliest shirt he'd ever seen (it was plaid). And Bill Coward, I mean Cowherd, said Favre looked more comfortable in a jeans commercial than he does on the field these days. Nice job fellers.
By the way, does anyone really know what the hell Shannon is saying?
Before today's game Pittsburgh was 2-0 and atop the division . . . without having scored a touchdown. What does that mean? Some of you dillusional Steelers fans might say it means they have a great defense. But I tend to look at the big picture. What it really means is that the entire AFC North, my beloved Bengals included, sucks. And that's regardless of the numbers any AFC North team went on to put up today. This is a sad division. And if you expect any team from it to go to the Superbowl this year, well I just hope you are bright and early to your therapy session tomorrow morning.
And now . . .
The 2010 Ineptitude Bowl - Bengals 20, Panthers 7. Good one Brad Johanson (Ch. 12 sports director), I like it so I stole it.
I don't think many of you were too pleased with this one. I watched my feed this week and didn't hear too much who-deying today. But I can't blame you. This one was nerve wracking. Here's my notes:
What is CP9's (Carson Palmer's) problem? Before the season started, My friend Tony pissed a lot of us on facebook off by telling us what we now know. Carson Palmer sucks and is the source of the Bengals woes. In a later 1/1 convo I had with Tony about this he drove his point home for me: CP9 will continue to suck because there's no pressure for him to do well. We don't have a good back-up to make him feel threatened. To prove that further, this was a headline in the Bengals section of today's Enquirer - "Palmer: One number counts".
Here's my favorite quote from the article:
"It has gone pretty good. I wouldn't say over the top great but I'm satisfied with what I'm asking him to do."
That's from quarterbacks coach Ken Zampese. Last week CP9 was 16 of 35 for 167 years. Today he was 19 of 37 for 195 yards. Today he made throws a kindergartner wouldn't have made. He threw into coverage so much it made me dizzy. So apparently mediocrity is the order for the quarterbacks coach. They both should be tased. If any of us performed like that at work we'd be on the unemployment line. Unless you're a meteorologist.
The gist of the article is that big numbers from the QB are great but the only number that counts are the wins. To an extent that's true. But here's the deal dumba$$es, if you don't put up SOMETHING soon, eventually this mess is going to catch up with you and you ARE going to lose. Today you beat Carolina, who hasn't played well in a minute. Last week you beat the Ravens, whom you own. You could have beat New England, a good team, but you tanked. The next two weeks you play Cleveland and Tampa Bay - a win against either of those teams won't impress me personally. You better learn how to throw to 81 and 85 quickly and expeditiously or you are going to have a situation. (Like you don't already.) Turd. I think that about covers it.
You know after watching yesterday's UC game against the refs (you may think they were playing Oklahoma, but I was there and I know better) I'm thinking maybe Zachy Collaros is watching too much Carson Palmer. A lot of similarities there.
Oh one more thing about the Bengals -
Today I watched Cedric Benson flipping his hair back. It unnerved me a little. Leave the hair flipping to me. I just want to say this is why I don't think men with long hair are attractive. I don't necessarily think it makes them feminine but I'm just saying, you have long hair, I have long hair, so in the morning we're competing for the ponytail holders? That ain't sexy.
Meanwhile -
I believe the late Robin Harris said it best when he asked, "Hey someone please put something in tiny's mouth because my zipper is stuck". I'm talking to you Rex Ryan aka Tiny. You and your loud a$$ mouth make my a$$ tired (as my mother used to say). Braylon Edwards gets busted drinking and driving and your response is to bench him for the first quarter tonight? THAT'S IT? And then you tell us it's because he's been through enough with the media riding him because he got arrested. And now Edwards is trying to say the results from the breathalizer were inaccurate because he was taking antibiotics which would have intensified the effects of a drink? Seriously? If you were taking antibiotics then why were you drinking? You are a dolt. And Rex Ryan is the coach who goes to the teacher and tries to bully them into passing a failing student just so they can play Friday night. What a loser.
Yes, Tampa Bay, you still suck and your head coach is on something. I hope that was made clear to you today.
My favorite headline from this weekend so far, was the headline that ran last night on either ESPN or SI's website (sorry I can't remember whose it was but I think it was ESPN): "TEXAS GETS TOASTED." Guess whose no longer ranked. Awesome.
And my favorite quotes on Facebook today came from two of my favorite men in the universe:
" . . . Shout out to Michael Vick, who seems to have combined being a pocket passer with the speed of a crackhead running from a dealer he ganked...Play on, playa..." - Lewis W.
" Tony H. thinks Bret Favre is like a sushi restaurant. He falls apart when there's no Rice...." - Tony
RIP Kenny McKinley. Congratulations to Kansas City, Michael Vick (time to forgive a brother and move on) and the Eagles, the Colts and even the Bengals. I'm hoping for an upset tomorrow for the Bears. To my other favs - the Panthers (I can't root for you when you play my team), the Redskins and the Saints, better luck next week. Eff everybody else.
Love,
Leslie
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