I don't usually rant on Friday's shuga's . . . but it's been a long time. I've been busy. And so has the rest of the world. And now I got a lot of s**t to say about it.
Those of you who live in Cincinnati. Not those of you who think you live in Cincinnati (I'm talkin' to you NKY people and people on the outskirts like Forest Park or inskirts like Norwood who like to say "I live in the greater Cincinnati area"). And those of you who work in Cincinnati. I'm talkin' the city of Cincinnati. Texting while driving is going to be a no-no in about 30 days. Tell a friend child. Check the news. Ticket city. AND you can be pulled over for just that. You can use your GPS if you are standing still. Ain't nobody playing with you clowns anymore. I'm not a big fan of law enforcement or city council, but may the city of Cincinnati get rich off you fools who think your text messaging is so important you must do it while you are driving while meanwhile my life (and yours for that matter) don't mean s**t. Eff all y'all.
And while I'm talking about Cincinnati. I'm starting realize something - and that is I HAVE to stop leaving town. Because everytime I'm exposed to another city I realize just HOW MUCH THIS ONE SUCKS!!!! This time it was Charlotte, NC. It was effin' fantastic!
I went with my friends Krystal and Becky. Everyone there was so nice. It's soo green there. Even with the lack of rain - everything is just effin green. It's just a beautiful city period. Add it to my list of places I want to live. Even scouted out apartments while I was there. Seriously, when you leave Cincinnati and go to other cities (except any city in West Virginia and those that I've seen in Kentucky), you realize how far behind Cincinnati is. It's ridiculous.
We listened to a radio station, 92.7 FM while we were there. We were there from Friday until Tuesday. We think we only heard a song get repeated twice, an Ursher song and an Alicia Keys song. That was it. Unlike Mojo here, who repeats songs every 2-3 hours and plays the same songs over and over again. How many times do I have to hear "Moments In Love" or listen to Luther ask if anyone has a heart? I think that if your format is 80's, 90's and today's hits, there's no excuse for repeating the same songs over and over like that. There's too many songs you could play. Maybe repeat what's out now, but the old stuff? Really Mojo? You effin' suck.
We found a church to go to on Sunday, and the pastor suggested to the congregation that if they were going to write a check that they knew there was no money in the bank to cover, to just write him a note and post date the check for when the chruch should cash it. It's was a joke y'all. Unclench. Ok, it's really not a joke. But I thought it was funny as h - - - well it was just funny.
Anyway - I will post pictures later tonight - all those except the ones of Krystal. There wasn't enough room for me and her boobs in the pictures soooooo . . . you'll have to go to her page to see them. Hooker.
Back to the homestead . . .
Today I saw two cars back to back on the highway that were that taxi-cab golden yellow color, a Pontiac Sunfire and a Chevrolet/Geo Tracker. The Sunfire's license plate even had something like golden hot on the license plate. I personally think that anyone who buys a taxi cab on purpose better be making money off of it, otherwise it's inexcuseable to buy a car that color. Major fail.
I think that if you are going to wear tight jeans and high heel hooker pumps to a grocery store (I'm talkin' to you - that hooker I saw in Trader Joe's yesterday) you should at least have your face together too. I mean this hooker's pants were sooo tight a yeast infection was imminent. She didn't look comfortable either. But she just could have put more work into her face. That's all I'm saying. It cracks me up to see women dressed like this or some variation of it in grocery stores and in malls. It's obvious shopping is the LAST thing on your mind. Now that's sexy. Ok it isn't. It's desperate.
Today on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, they had a doctor come on and say that on average big dudes last longer in the sack than thin dudes. Big dudes - about 7.3 minutes. Thin dudes - about 1.8 minutes. The reason is because big dudes have more hormones in their bodies that allow them to last longer. I even found the story on the internet. She also went on to say that gold diggers are more likely to go after big dudes than thin dudes because, get this, they think they have more money . . . because obviously they would have to . . . in order to eat until they were overweight. You know, a gold digger is typically just about dumb enough to believe that too. WOW.
I mentioned Ursher earlier. I can't stand him. Ne-yo is so much better. And so underrated. While Ursher fired his mama and has a head (and neck) like a desk lamp. That's all I wanted to say there.
Macy's is having a one day sale on Saturday . . . that started today. Makes sense doesn't it?
I love Keith Olbermann. I just do. I think he loves me too.
Eff that bulletheaded pastor in Florida. You know who I'm talking about and if you don't go look it up. What in the ham sammich is wrong with Florida anyway? I mean SERIOUSLY??? Chump.
Tiny and T.I. - Have you seen their mug shots? Are they not a couple of the funniest looking people on the planet? And after seeing "Takers", I like him even less. What can I say? I can't separate truth from reality - although I don't see THAT much separation here. Do you?
Terry McMillan is writing a sequel to "Waiting to Exhale". It will take place 15 years from where it left off. I can remember when it came out my lit professor said it was a horrible book and that she wasn't a good literature writer. At the time I was drinking the Terry McMillan kool-aid and wouldn't buy it. But a few years later I knew my Dr. Jamison was right. Even McMillian now says when she re-read the book to do research for the new book she was emabarassed. And she should have been. Soooooo she's putting us through this mess again why? I think she thrives on being embarrassed. I mean come on - if you didn't know her husband was gay then you and she were the only ones . . . . . I'm just sayin'. And let that be a lesson to those of you self-proclaimed cougars. You may be his last stop to crossing over.
Cialis commercials are demeaning. Think about it. You're watching this beautiful couple looking like they are about to set it OFF and what happens? He starts talking about his erectile dysfunction. I mean damn, right? Buzz killer.
This week I discovered my kitten (Mimo) likes to hang out in the litter box. She just lays in it. Um hmmm. Same kitten who likes to run up to me and kiss me on the mouth. I'm starting to think she's retarded or something. But she's still adorable. Dumb a$$.
Have you heard Steven Seagal's show is coming back on the air? If you haven't seen this show you have to watch. It's on A & E. It's him and his police crew down in New Orleans - it's like Cops. But let me clarify, these are the oldest, fatest, laziest cops in New Orleans. Have to be. Which I guess means they can go a REALLY long time in the sack. Anyway - I know I'm out of shape - but I'm not a cop either. You have to see these fat bastards. Especially Seagal, who looks like he's sitting in the back seat of the SUV, even though he's sitting up front. Anyway - it's nice that you can bounce back from being accused of rape. Just ask Rothlisberger.
Speaking of New Orleans, guess who got his a$$ handed to him the first week? Eff you Lorenzo. Way to go! You rock! So glad you're back, Messiah. Chump. New Orleans 14 - Minnesota 9. I know it's only week one, but next week it will only be week two right?
TJ Houshmandzadeh - I hope the Bengals D smashes you right in the throat. I hope they stomp you in the gonads. I hope they rip out your gizzards. I can't believe you brought your arrogant a$$ back to this division. Unreal. It must suck to be you.
I think I just had a dizzy spell. Yeah - I'm ready for some football.
It's nice to be back. Thanks for letting me know I was missed.
Love y'all - I mean all y'all too.
Leslie
P.S. - R.I.P. Dr. Malinda Sapp (Marvin Sapp's wife) who passed away yesterday from Cancer. And my deepest prayers on tomorrow, the 9-year anniversary of 911. I hope you keep all touched by both tragedies in your hearts and prayers.
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