This week in trash talking: Eff you and your whole creation . . .
Okay, maybe that's not exactly what he said. Whose he? He be Antonio Cromartie who plays cornerback for the New York Jets. And what he really said was that Tom Brady is an a$$hole. Then he said f*** him. To which Brady responded that Belidick has also referred to him as an a$$hole and Belidick likes him . . . so maybe Cromartie likes him too. Cute, Thomasina. About as cute as those UGGs you're the spokesmodel for. What are the Jets honked off about this time? Among other things, the way that Brady points at the sideline of the team he scores against. I can't stand Brady, but big deal. And if Rex Ryan doesn't shut the hell up talking crap about Brady and Belidick I'm gonna scream. Somebody should just stick a toe in his mouth. If you didn't get that one you should probably look it up - that's Rex Ryan, wifey and toe fetish (or something like that).
Some more notes about this: If I'm not mistaken, the last time these teams met it resulted in a lopsided 45-3 loss for the Jets. Brady puts a smackdown on you much like Liberace use to do to his piano keys. (Yeah I compared him to Liberace. You figure it out. It just came to me.). Rex Ryan loves feets. That's right, feets. Antonio Cromartie sucks (but not necessarily feet) so he should hush. Even baseball great Reggie Sanders, who did much trash talking in his day, stepped in and suggested the Jets should all just shut the hell up. But in this battle of witless words the winner is Wes Welker of the New England Patriots (Leslie loves alliteration), who during a press conference made reference to feet a million times without specifically calling anyone out. This is from Profootballtalk.com:
1. On this week of preparation: “Everybody’s putting their best foot forward.”
2. On young players in the playoffs: “You can’t just stick your toe in the water. You gotta jump right in.”
3. On playing this year as opposed to last year: “It’s definitely different. You know, you’ve got your foot up in the air trying to get the swelling to go down. Definitely excited about the opportunity to get out there and have some fun.”
4. On the opportunity this week: “These are the games you play for. What you spend all year getting ready for and you just want to put your best foot forward.”
5. On Revis: “He’s got great feet.”
6. On Revis again: “He’s very patient, has good feet.”
7. On Deion Branch: “He runs some really good routes out there . . . He’s another guy with great feet and can really move around.”
8. On practice: “You want to make sure you’re putting your best foot forward out there and making it happen.”
9. More on practice: “Us going out there and being good little foot soliders and making sure we’re going out there and doing everything coach asks us to do.”
10. On seeing new things in the playoffs: “You definitely have to be on your toes and make sure you’re ready to go.”
If you haven't heard this you have to go find it and listen. I almost wrecked my car today when I heard it. Game . . . set . . . match Mr. Welker. I imagine this weekend's game against the Jets will be very similar.
Elsewhere in the trash talking division we have the Ravens v. the Stealers. I think the Ravens may be the one team who hates Pittsburgh more than the Bengals do. Example, meet Terrell Suggs, linebacker for the Ravens, who went on camera wearing a t-shirt that said "Hey Steelers" at the top, had a Raven in the background, and a huge middle finger in the middle of the Raven. I can't say I'm a fan of either team, but if I had to pick it would be the Ravens. And I know they can beat Pittsburgh this weekend . . . but let's see if they do it.
Dear Chicago: Please end this nightmare and knock Seattle out of the playoffs. What the hell is a Seahawk anyway? Spellcheck doesn't even like it. But then again, spellcheck doesn't like spellcheck. Must be spell check. Digressing.
If you don't hate the Cowboys as much as I do, maybe this will help. Football fans know what the Rooney Rule is - it means if a team has a head coaching vacancy, the team must interview at least one minority candidate. If you were following the Cowboys this year, then you know their owner, Jerry Jones, asked if he could bypass the Rooney Rule because he already knew he wanted Jason Garrett to replace his fired head coach, Wade Phillips. The NFL said no. So here's what happened next. Either Jones or interim coach Garrett moseyed down the hall and interviewed Cowboys wide receiver's coach Ray Sherman (note - I'm heated he even allowed himself to be the token). Sherman of course doesn't get the job. They hired Garrett. But theeeeen, they turned around and fired Sherman. Seriously? Supreme token got tooken. But Karma's a biznatch.
My last stop in the NFL today . . . and how could I not visit . . . you guessed it . . . Favretopia. Don't you think that name is fitting? After all, it is ALWAYS about him. Anyway, less than two weeks into his third retirement and the madness doesn't end. First, a third person may be joining the lawsuit against him. This person is rumored to be the person who received the text message invite to come to his hotel room and bring her friend with her (she's already suing Favre). You know, I don't know what to say about these heifers. Why sue now when you didn't complain before? But if he did it, and he probably did it, he'll probably get away with it. Anyway, secondly, Brett's sister, Brandy Favre got arrested the other day. She was busted in a Mississippi meth lab. Get your sister help Brett. You can afford it. And please stay in retirement. Please? For me?
Back to the real world, I realized something this week about my least favorite city in the world, Norwood, Ohio. Here's the thing: in the lov-e-ly city of Norwood, if you have an accident, and you don't live in Norwood, you have to pay the city any costs attributed to the accident, like overtime for the police officer who responded to your call (that's an extreme and possibly false example but you get my drift). Has anyone driven through Norwood after a snowstorm? They do a horrible job at cleaning their streets. So I think it's a c-o-n-spiracy. They don't clean their streets, you come through their city trying to get to work, have an accident and SHAZAM!!!! You just paid an Norwood City plow truck driver's Verizon bill for the month. I'm just saying, we should all stay out of Norwood. I can't pay two phone bills. Especially if the tow truck driver doesn't have unlimited text messaging. Then I have to pay for all those texts???? including the text to his Norwood friends that says "I just got a Silverton resident to pay my phone bill. Ask me how." But again . . . I digress . . . again. I tend to do that.
I'm excited because I know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be Mayhem. You know Mayhem, from the Allstate commercials? He is fantastic. I love him. I think I could out-mayhem Mayhem. Hell, I AM Mayhem. I'd be good at it. RECALCULATING!!!! (Look it up.)
People do dumb shiggety in the snow. Like one morning this week, three people were jogging together down by Xavier's campus on Victory Parkway. I was thinking to myself, that's dedication, because I would probably break my neck trying to run where the sidewalks hadn't been shoveled and are now caked with beat down snow that can be slick. But one of these yahoo's was actually jogging in the street, during rush hour, you had to drive around him in a different lane to avoid him. Which made me think to myself, would I get in trouble if I hit him? Riding your bike in the street, that's one thing. But jogging? You're just in the way. Then today I saw a young lady walking down the sidewalk on Central Parkway on the same type of beaten down snow . . . wearing 20-inch heels . . . talking on the cell phone. If I could have I would have pushed her myself. Maybe I should just stay off Parkways.
My favorite inappropriate comment this week came from D.L. Hughley who was on the Tom Joyner Morning Show this morning. Talking about Ted Williams, the homeless man with the radio voice, he insisted that Mr. Williams should take the money he is now earning from his new jobs and get his teeth fixed because "he looks like he got a mouth full of jumper cables don't he?" Wow. I love D.L. Hughley. And I pray that Mr. Williams finds his way . . . not to a dentist's office y'all, just that he finds his way in general. Y'all so mean.
Speakin' of y'all, did y'all hear Mayor (of Cincinnati) Mark Mallory is going to be one of the next Undercover Bosses? It's already been filmed and everything. Supposedly he was wearing a mustache and a dreadlock wig and city employees didn't recognize him. Cannot wait to see this - I'm not sure when it airs. Anyway, some folks are hailing it as a good way to put Cincinnati in a good light and make folks want to come here. And it could work. But when you get here and encounter the Bengals, the Banks, and all the other bungling busts (Leslie . . . alliteration) that make up Cincy, you'll just want to leave again . . .
Oh well, Bye Bye!
Love,
Leslie
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