Tell your kids. If they need to do a societal experiment, they should go Krogering in Norwood. It has the best of everything.
Let me first say that I haven't shopped in Kroger for several months now. As a company, I despise Kroger, even though my brother Keith, who I love to death, is a marketing research analyst there and shopping there helps his bonuses. But with the new orders to lose weight from my doctor and the lack of my own kitchen until I move, I've been eating Healthy Choices, Lean Cusines and Weight Watchers for lunch. Kroger has the best sale on those. Healthy Choice and Weight watchers are on sale for $1.92 and $1.88 respectively this week so there you go. All the yuppies and buppies have already blown up the Oakley Kroger (yeah Hyde Park people I said Oakley, you can't beat me anyway) so after checking up on my friend after work tonight I decided to shop at the sparkling new Norwood Kroger.
I have to say, the only thing I despise more than Kroger and Hyde Park is Norwood. I'm still having trouble accepting that Rookwood may actually be in Norwood and not Cincinnati. The idea of giving Norwood my money makes me sick. My friend had a car accident in Norwood a few years ago that wasn't her fault and they sent her the bill for the cleanup. Having said all that, I built my bridge and moseyed on into Norwood Kroger tonight.
Do rich people get food stamps? They must. Because in the parking lot I see BMW and Mercedes SUVs. And the Kroger itself is beau-ti-ful I must admit. But on the inside of Kroger I see two toned hair, straight hair weaves with taco meat roots, tight underwear underneath tighter sweat pants, men with no shirts, just a whole lot of mess. And don't get me wrong, if I had food stamps, you couldn't tell me my name is Leslie. But damn? What in the hell is going on here? The BMW-Mercedes people must be spraying themselves for bedbugs in the parking lot. Those you could pick out looked real uncomfy. I just thought it was real funny. I'll definitely be back for more.
The best part of Kroger was my parking space. My car is very small and can fit in the space even when your stupd a$$ parks across the line. Today I was sitting in my car talking to a friend on the phone when this nimrod came back to his car and realized what he had done and that he almost couldn't get back into his car as a result. He turned and looked and was surprised that I was sitting in my car staring at him. He turned back around, took a deep breath and squeezed his stupid a$$ into his car. I couldn't believe I actually got to witness it. Watch how you park people.
I'd like to give a shout out to Katy Blanton - who was in an even worse mood today than I was yesterday. I didn't think that was possible. Katy, I wanted to put my foot in your a$$ today but I was wearing sandals. Next time though. Luyu.
Look here black women. All women really, but black women I'm really talking to you here. If one more of you sports a pair of red, yellow, green, polka dot, whatever underwear with white pants . . . I mean really???? You have to be told not to do this? You want us to see your underwear? You didn't look at your a$$ before you left the house. And when you are brown-skinned and darker . . . oh my goodness it's ten times worse. You have to be kidding me. I'm tazing the next one of you who does it. I'm not playing.
Andy Kennedy (former UC Basketball "Coach") told me to tell you that if you get arrested for punching and cursing out a cab driver while a valet watches and you plead guilty to charges surrounding the incident, don't turn around and sue the cab driver for defammation of character. It won't fly. You'll look like a dumb a$$, and you'll be the one paying out money in the end. What a marooon.
LaBrett is in Minnesota. Some freak ESPN analyst was on the radio tonight talking about how excited WE all are about the impending announcement that surely he's going to play again. WE are so used to having a familiar name. WE can't wait to see the Vikings put the smack down on the dirty New Orleans Saints. Whose WE? Does he have a mouse in his pocket? Eff that. I'm ready for LaBrett to staring collecting his social security checks and that's about it.
I'm done.
Love,
Leslie
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