"He don't know me vewy well, do he?" ~ Bugs Bunny.
Tonight a man told me, "Miss. When you talk it sounds so sweet and cute. I just wanna hug you." If he only knew right? But it was nice of him to say. Of course, had he tried it, I would have HAD to spork him. That's the rule.
Now, traveling back in time . . .
This morning I was walking down the hall on the hill minding my own G-damn business, when I saw two co-workers with effed up wigs. One was effed up because I could see the tracks of the wig, which I guess means she didn't comb it before she put it on (though I'm not a wigologist and don't know for sure), and the other was effed up because it was crooked AND big chucks of hair were sticking straight up in the air. What the hell are you supposed to say to that? S'cuse me (fill in the blank) did Halloween come early this year? I suppose that wouldn't have been nice, so I didn't say nuffin.
As I proceeded down the hall trying to make it to my office I got stopped by the Student Activities ladies, Brenda and Mary Beth. I love them to death. They're awesome. Anyway, Brenda wanted to know if I could attend a program they were having today, but Mary Beth only wanted to know what I was going to say next. What a reputation I've earned.
Last night only one Reds starter made the starting line-up. Result? Red legs lose 2-0. Think the rest of the team was too sauced the night before? Of course they were. And rightfully so. Go Reds!
Did you hear the one about Kassim Osgood, WR for the Jacksonville Jaguars? This is a good one kids.
Osgood, 30, was chillaxin with a Jaguar cheerleader, Mackenzie Putnal, 19, in an upstairs gameroom at her parent's house when an intruder with a plastic bag on his head bursts in the room telling the young lady, "I can't believe you're with this guy." He pistol whips both of them and pulls the cheerleader around the room by her hair. The gunboy then takes her phone and tackles her to the floor and forces Osgood onto the floor as well. But she escapes and makes it downstairs, and this is the part that both alarms and amuses me, returns with a gun of her own, now they're shooting at each other. No one is hit.
Meanwhile, Osgood jumps out the second story window. He's okay. She's okay. The 20 year-old gunboy, who it turns out is her ex, is in jail. Is that not the best story ever? Like a bad (or good depending on your view of things) episode of Cheaters. And there's more. They were talking about this on the radio on the Tom Joyner Morning Show today, and Jay Anthony Brown has the best line ever: "Well he finally caught something, an a$$ whoopin'." Awesome. If I could say anything to Osgood, it would be two words: Steve McNair.
Speaking of Tom Joyner, he asked a good question today: When do we get to stop calling Bishop Eddie Long, "Bishop" Eddie Long? And what do we call him? Because in light of everything, Mr. Long doesn't seem appropo. Also, it sounds like more folks may be coming forward AND add to that it seems his wife accused him of domestic violence in their divorce decree. Nice. Stay tuned.
More football stuff. New York Jets linebacker Bart Scott is running his mouth about Buffalo Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick. Scott graduated (we think) from So. Illinois, while Fitzpatrick is a Harvard grad. Scott wants Fitzpatrick to know that he'll blow him up this week although he doesn't want Fitzpatrick to "hit him with a book." Oooooh. Clever. I'm sure he's shaking in his boots you future Walmart Greeter. Dumb a$$. Again, I say the Jets are the dumbest team in the league. And when you name your kid Bart, aren't you guaranteeing him a retirement in a trailer park anyway?
More football. Anybody run out and buy a box of Ochocincos? Chad Ochocinco's cereal? Good intentions, sales from the cereal go to charity. But if you really want a "helping hand" call the number on the back of the box. Because that my friends is a sex-line. It was all over the news last night. Fantastic. There's irony on that box (you'll see when you scroll down).
One last thing. At the very end of my work day, someone pissed me off to the absolute highest of pisstivity. Payback is going to be a bish and will go down tomorrow. I'll tell you all about it then. Stay tuned . . .
Love,
Leslie
No comments:
Post a Comment