Whatchu think this is?
Just because I get into an elevator and push a button for my floor does not mean I'm the elevator button pusher. Why do people do this? You are first in the elevator and push the button to your destination and people get on behind you and just yell out their floor. Not only do I not expect this of other people when I get in an elevator and push my own freakin' button but I purposely move away from the buttons to send you a message that it's not my job to get you to your destination. What in the ham sandwich does you yelling out "two" have to do with me? Are you telling me your IQ or something? I don't get it. Maybe "two" is my IQ or something. I mean I know I'm not always too bright. So when a student did that to me this morning on the elevator (didn't even say "two please") I just stared at him . . . till he pushed the button his damned self. WHAT?
Another disturbing trend has emerged among our students, or it has been around for a while and I just didn't know it. What's this thing where the girls are wearing their blue jean shorts so short that the insides of the pockets are extending below the bottom of the shorts? Are they buying them like this? The girl I saw wearing them this morning looked like she rode the short bus to campus . . . wearing a helmet. Cut it out.
Today I was sitting in the office, on a serious phone call, minding my own G-damn business, when an advisor walked in and started talking to me. I did mention I was one the phone right? Strike one. So I ignored her. Then she went to the person who sits behind me and told her what she needed. That's fine. But on her way out, I heard her say, "I can't help it, I have to touch it." And the next thing I knew, her hands were in my hair and she starts playing in it like I'm one of those effin' Barbie doll heads we used to play with back in the day. Those, ladies and gentlemen, were strikes two and three. Had I not been on the phone I think I might have lost my job today. I was so creeped out. Look folks, I appreciate the complients about my hair. I mean I REALLY do because it's a pain to keep up with and I appreciate any compliments that come my way especially lately. But to me, hair touching is intimate - which means, if you are not my dude, my main squeeze, my significant other and all that good stuff, don't touch it without asking first. And since I don't have one of those right now, that means keep your musty a$$ hands out of my hair. It pisses me off to the highest of pisstivity. You are all up in my personal space and that's not cool. Luckily she stopped and walked out of the office before I could get off the phone.
Unfortunately, my boss was the next person to approach me and on top of that it was about something I forgot to do, and he caught my wrath as a result. I'm sorry dude. Seriously. Please kick my a$$ tomorrow morning. Hard enough so that I may leave early please.
Lunch today was hilarious. Thank you Danni for allowing me to share your birthday celebration with you. And thank you Kasey for inviting me. We went to Dewey's. Chill out y'all, I had the salad. I ordered a calzone but only ate about 1/3 and gave the rest to a co-worker when I got back to the office. I shouldn't have ordered it because I didn't really want it. I hope that's progress. Anyway - I love to harass Kasey - she's like the little sister I never wanted. She's so cute and uppity and it cracks me up. She made sure to inform the waiter that she was taking Danni out for her birthday to which I told the waiter "and she wants to be recognized for it I guess that's why she's announcing it" to which the waiter responded "it's okay, we're building a shrine for her in the back." I thought I was going to fall out of the booth. That's good stuff.
On the way back to work however, Kasey and Danni had a conversation about what it means when a man (or anyone for that matter) has a long pinky nail when all the other nails are short (we saw a man in a truck next to us with longer fingernails than most normal people would want to see on a man). Once the drug hypothesis was established, these nuts actually went on to debate whether the pinky finger is the easiest to snort cocaine with. The debate included demonstrations (without the cocaine of course). And all the while I'm just sitting quietly in the car (Kasey was driving) wondering why this conversation is taking place. Ladies, you still didn't give me a good enough reason.
Get well soon Krystal. I miss you.
Those Old Navy store mannequins are scary. That's all I have on that. I've been wanting to get that off my chest for a while.
I know you did not email me and ask me to meet you at Norwood Kroger today. You know who you are. Some folk think they read a rant and get all clever. I've decided that when I DO see you I WILL spork you. I have to. That's the rules. Chump. You know I ain't going to Norwood again without a fight.
So Roger Clemens is in trouble again - this time with the gub-ment on federal perjury charges. If they couldn't get a president out of office for lying to Congress does anybody really think anything will happen to Clemens? I don't. But what would be a good use of the gub-ment's time, would be figuring out how to ban Brett Favre from football forever so my blood pressure would stop going up every evening around 8 or 9 when I sit my a$$ down to write this rant.
Oh well. Who the hell cares what I want right?
Love,
Leslie
No comments:
Post a Comment