Don't Eff With Me. ~ Me
When I last left you, I told you that someone had pissed me off at work to the highest of pissedivity but that they would pay for it. Here's what happened:
On Thursday of last week, I parked my car at work in a staff spot, after all I am staff, and I put up my sun shade because my car gets hot and it was going to get a little warm that day. My parking hang tag was hanging from the mirror. When I got to my car that evening, a campus police officer had given me a ticket for parking in a staff spot. (Here's where it gets hard NOT to call anybody names since technically this person is my co-worker.) Now here's what I'm thinking.
If I was a police occifer, aaaaand I came upon a car parked in a staff spot, aaaaaaaaand that car had a sun shade up, I would ask myself, "Self, I wonder if this car has a drop tag hanging from the mirror?" Theeeeen I would look inside the car, I would see it does, and I would move on and find something important to do.
But this occifer did not do that. He or she gave me a ticket. I'm going to go with he. Because I'm pretty sure I know who did it. Anyway, HE has now pissed me off.
So I take pictures of the car with the tag hanging, the sunshade up and the ticket on the windshield and instead of causing a riot right then and there, I go home, hoping I will cool off by the next day.
But I don't.
Sooooo when I get to work the next day (Friday), I take the pictures and staple them to the ticket and I use big letters to explain to the officer (all over the ticket) that my tag was displayed. Then I go down to campus police. They explain to me that the occifer is new and they will investigate and not to worry about it. I'm not worried.
I'm also not done.
To help this occifer out on Friday I took a clip from my hair and attached my hang tag to my sun shade. Then I placed some directional signs on my windshield to point out where my tag was.
I didn't get a ticket Friday. That's because I'm all about helping. I'm a giver.
Meanwhile . . .
Have you ever . . . seen somebody . . . looked at what they were wearing . . . and thought, "If I didn't know you I swear a picture of you would be on my blog right now." It's not fair that we have to be nice to people.
I guess the strategy to trying to prove you didn't do it is to confess to something you did do. Just ask Jesse Jackson, Jr. He's being accused of doing something funky with the President's old Senate seat, something involving a purchase. Kind of like buying that fake coach - it's okay as long as you don't get caught by the authorities. Why would you want to buy an Oach anyway? I'm digressing again.
Anyway, he adamantly denied any wrong doing, but decided to confess that he HAD been cheating on his wife. So I guess that makes it okay right? Fellas, don't think this shiggety works in the real world. It only works in Chicago, which we all KNOW is Bizzaro World. You will get cut if you try this at home. I'm just sayin' . . .
Today I was in line getting food when a lady walked up behind me talking on her cell phone to someone. She said, "I'm not used to calling them fries, they're 'cheeps'."
Cheeps, I guess, were supposed to be chips. Seriously? Was I wrong to want to slug her? She was from my tribe. Trying to sound British. Probably from Alabama.
I'm wondering if my fellow co-workers have noticed the sign in the cafeteria over where you get the "entree'" (yeah I said "entree")? I don't know if you've caught this, but this sign appeared at the beginning of the school year and it's gotten meaner and meaner and meaner as the term as progressed.
At first it just asked people to not be on their cell phone when they are ordering. THEN it asked people to not be on their cell phone when they are ordering because it's rude. THEN it told people to not be on their cell phone or they would not be served (that part was handwritten). NOW it says don't be on your cell phone when it's time for you to place your order OR not only will you not be served, but they will serve the person behind you while you're standing there. I think it's funny as hell. I guess the next time the sign changes it will just say "Eff everybody who comes through here on their cell phone. Ain't none of y'all eatin' UP IN HERE!" And I'm okay with that.
I was in line behind Virginia at dinnertime today, who was trying to buy food. I don't know anything about Virginia other than she was getting on my nerves because she obviously knew the person who was ringing up customers, so she had just been standing there letting people go by so she could have her conversation with the cashier. Of course Virginia waited until it was my turn to jump in front of me. And although I wanted to grab a spork off that counter and show her it's business end, I was patient. And it paid off.
First the cashier dropped her credit card on the floor (as a joke). Then she picked it up and told her they don't take credit cards (again, a joke - how cute). Then she ran the card and told Virginia it was declined (yet another joke). Then she realizes the card really did decline, and now she ain't for play. It's all business not friendship suddenly. Virginia's card really declined but since the cashier has been doing stand up for the last few minutes, Virginia is not a believer and asks her to run it again. The cashier does, then has someone come verify for Virginia that the card is really declined. Another employee verifies the decline and Virginia, madder than a dog in a hubcap factory, grabs the card and stomps off.
How do I know Virginia's name? I'm glad you asked. That's because at this point, the cashier turns around and yells:
"VIRGINIA'S HAVING A MOMENT! VIRGINIA'S HAVING A MOMENT!"
You think?
What stankrat St. Louis Cardinals fan called Columbus and whined that the Reds were smoking in their clubhouse after winning the division (Ohio smoking ordinance)? I hate cigarette smoke, but seriously? See you next year chumps.
GO REDS!!!!!
Love,
Leslie
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